To feel like that again....

Monday, 11 April 2005

It was one of those days when you just have to sprawl yourself across the lawn, arms outstretched, head back and scream.
This is beautiful,you know, this life thing.
Love,
-ash

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....Would be all I could ever hope for.

I'm scared.

I'm scared as fuck.

I'm scared to move out, I'm scared to begin my "new, great college life". I'm scared to meet new people, I hate meeting new people...I hate mostly people. I just want to never fall apart with my friends right now. A select few people at least. Maybe 1 or 2, that's it. But, still. I don't want to not be friends. I can't imagine a life without you. Will we even know eachother 5 years from now? My heart feels like you friend-broke-up with me, but I don't want to feel like that because I know (or at least I hope) it's not that. I really, really hope that.

Everyone keeps probing me to talk about how exciting graduation will be.

WELL, you know what I DISAGREE, I think it will be a scary, life-altering experience. Suddenly everything we've ever known for almost our whole lives just dissingrates and that's it...

Welcome to the real world.  I hate my job, life, family, exams, overpriced education. And all that jazz.

What if we could just stay here? Would we? I doubt it, I hate to leave, but I hate to stay as well.

I hate everything, I'm such a mellowdramatic teenager.

I just want to burrow inside my Aladdin bedsheets and refuse to wake up, so I can pretend that we are forever friends. That everything is just as it's always been and it will always, always be that way.

I am sick of having to act mature and happy. I don't want to be mature and I am certainly not happy. Though I wish very badly that I was at all.

I'm really bored, but my mom isn't home so I cranked the air conditioning way up, which makes me very cold and happy. I don't really like summer, it's just too hot and boring.

I want winter. Yumssssssssssss.

Then, Senior year will almost be over. Crazay.